


Mine

by SoDoRoses (FairyChess)



Series: LAOFT Extras [89]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Developing Relationship, How Do I Tag, M/M, Miscommunication, Past Abuse, Roman thinks he's the most expendable quarter of LAMP basically, Self-Worth Issues, TERRIBLE communication tbh, Unsympathic Deceit but he's not mentioned by name, Virgil does not tolerate this viewpoint, basically theyre learning how to to this romantic thing in a healthy way, but theyre not very good at it yet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:41:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22086544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyChess/pseuds/SoDoRoses
Summary: Communication is a learned skill.They’re not learning very quickly – but they are learning.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Background LAMP
Series: LAOFT Extras [89]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1365505
Comments: 44
Kudos: 651





	Mine

**Author's Note:**

> me, finally sending Roman to therapy and then immediately going back in the timeline to inflict angst on pre-therapy Roman? dont @ me
> 
> and thank you to [@trivia-goddess](trivia-goddess.tumblr.com) for beta-reading, and additionally for helping me with the warnings on this one because it gets Dicey

There was something about having Virgil’s undivided attention that was…

Roman didn’t want to say unsettling, because it was definitely _pleasant._ Just… a lot, maybe.

“What are you staring at?” he teased softly.

He was laying on his back, the picnic blanket soft underneath him, with Virgil laying on his side next to him with his face propped up on his hand. Their fingers were laced on Roman’s stomach, and Virgil’s gaze flickered away from Roman’s face immediately to rest on their hands.

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly.

“It’s fine,” said Roman, “I know it bugs Logan, but I don’t mind. I was just wondering what was so interesting,”

Virgil smirked, looking back up.

“Bold of you to assume I’d ever stop looking at you if I could get away with it,”

Roman snorted, shoving at Virgil’s chest.

“You’re never going to let me forget that, are you?”

“No, definitely not,” said Virgil seriously.

“Jerk,” said Roman, in a voice with no heat and dripping with affection.

Virgil’s smile widened, and he released his grip on Roman’s hand to reach up and trail his fingers down the side of Roman’s face. Roman shivered, shuffling over a little closer.

“You are gorgeous,” muttered Virgil, so Roman wasn’t so sure he’d meant to say it out loud. Roman stifled what would surely be a very embarrassing giggle.

“You spoil me with all these compliments,” he joked, “I’ll become utterly obnoxious,”

“Not true,” scoffed Virgil.

Roman scoffed right back.

“Bullshit,” said Roman, “You absolutely spoil me. You’re an enabler and you know it,”

Virgil rolled his eyes fondly.

“I just like giving you things,” he said, “Is it really such a nightmare?”

Roman couldn’t contain the giggle that time.

“No, I suppose not,” he said softly.

Virgil stroked the side of Roman’s face again. They fell silent for a long moment.

“You could ask me for anything, you know,” said Virgil quietly.

A lump rose, sudden and unbidden in Roman’s throat. He swallowed thickly.

“Hmm. Anything?” he said, trying for teasing and coming out a little wobbly.

Virgil nodded, his smile just a little shy.

Roman smiled.

“What about… feed me, and keep telling me I’m pretty?” he joked.

Virgil snickered, but he did prop himself up on his hand and lean across Roman to pluck a grape out of one of the Tupperware. He waited a moment for Roman to open his mouth and popped it in, his smile widening.

“You,” he said seriously, “Are absolutely stunning,”

Roman grinned up at him.

“I like this game,” he said fondly, and Virgil’s smile was definitely coming closer to outright grinning.

“… Tell me you love me,” said Roman sweetly.

Virgil laced their fingers again.

“I love you,” he said, “And I will love you every day for the rest of my life, and every day after,”

The lump thickened, Roman’s chest blooming with warmth and his grip tightening on Virgil’s hand. He let out a shivery breath.

“Kiss me,” he said, and it suddenly didn’t sound nearly as joking.

Lifting their hands immediately, Virgil pressed a slow, feather-light kiss to the center of Roman’s palm.

“Tease,” said Roman, distinctly shaky, “What happened to ‘anything I ask for?’”

“I didn’t say you didn’t have to be specific,” rumbled Virgil.

Roman whined in the back of his throat before he could stop himself.

“Kiss me on the lips, _please,_ ” he said pointedly.

Virgil leaned down without any more hesitation, and Roman sighed happily into his mouth. Virgil ran his thumb back and forth on their hands and Roman squeezed him back, smiling.

Pressing forward against the smile, Virgil deepened the kiss for a few languid moments before breaking away to press cool, gentle kisses along Roman’s neck.

“ _Virgil,”_

Virgil hummed and Roman felt the vibration where Virgil had his lips attached to Roman’s throat, and Roman couldn’t help the strangled note his voice made.

“ _Beautiful_ ,” Virgil murmured, “Roman, Roman, my Roman-”

Two things happened, seemingly simultaneously – Roman felt his chest swell with so much _burning_ affection he thought for a moment his skin was going to scald Virgil’s as he sat up and tried to catch Virgil’s mouth with his own again.

The second thing was that Virgil threw himself off of Roman like he _had_ been scalded.

Roman blinked, a little confused. Virgil had sat back in his heels, and when Roman sat up and reached for him automatically, Virgil flinched.

Silence reigned, and Roman let his hands fall awkwardly between them.

“Uh… Virgil?” said Roman hesitantly.

Virgil swallowed.

“… I shouldn’t have said that,” he croaked.

Roman felt like he’d swallowed an ice cube, a sudden pit of cold in his stomach.

“Sorry,” said Virgil.

Roman took a deep breath.

“Uh. Okay,” he said, his voice wobbling.

And that- hurt. More than it should – certainly more than was reasonable. Roman had noticed, of course. He noticed far, far more than most people assumed he did, and just about everything about his partners. _My songbird, my Spring, my beloved_ – these were things Virgil said a lot.

Just not to Roman.

Roman had thought that maybe it was just that… well, “witch” was the most obvious, and that had some- some different connotations, for Virgil. They’d only been together a few months – he’d assumed Virgil just hadn’t found something he liked enough.

But, well. Obviously, that wasn’t it.

And. And that was fine. Or it- it _would_ be fine. Hadn’t Virgil just said he loved him? That he’d give Roman anything he wanted?

Roman could deal with not being a _favorite_ – it wasn’t the end of the world.

Except- except it _did_ , kind of, feel like the end of the world, and a little like he was going to throw up, or possibly cry because his eyes were burning and his throat closing up like he was being strangled.

“I’m _sorry_ ,” said Virgil, desperate.

“It’s fine,” Roman managed to choke.

“It’s not, Roman, I’m so _sorry_ ,”

“Virgil,” said Roman, “Really. It’s fine. I- I don’t mind,”

Virgil’s face crumpled, and Roman winced. The lie must have been painfully obvious.

“Virgil, it’s _fine_ ,” he repeated, feeling like a broken record and smiling through the cloying inadequacy, “You- you’re _wonderful_ , you give me so much. I don’t need any more,”

Virgil’s miserable expression wavered.

“I- what?”

Roman tried not to let his own smile fall.

“What?” he said, pushing as much of that teasing note they’d lost into his voice as he could manage, “Did you think I’d- whine about it, or something?”

He reached out slowly, placing his hand over Virgil’s and squeezing.

“I know you love me,” soothed Roman, “That’s enough,”

Virgil stared for several moments.

“I think,” he started, voice cracking, “That I just fucked up,”

“No, no,” pressed Roman, “I _mean_ it, Virgil, I don’t-”

“No, I did,” said Virgil, firmer, “Roman- why do you think I’m upset?”

Roman blinked.

“Because-”

Roman tried to think of a way to say it that wasn’t going to come across painfully heartbroken and make Virgil feel even worse.

“Because you… you don’t want…”

The pressure in Roman’s chest was nearly suffocating, and it was only marginally soothed when Virgil finally gripped Roman’s hand back.

“You don’t… want, uh. Me. The same way you- you do Pat and Lo-”

“ _No,_ ” said Virgil vehemently, “That isn’t true,”

Roman felt a little off-balance.

“Oh,” he said quietly, “Um. Okay, I… I-”

Roman took an unsteady breath, because- because if it wasn’t _that_ , there still had to be an explanation. Roman started wracking his brain, because the only thing he could think of was that Virgil was withholding it for some reason, but Roman couldn’t- he could think of anything he’d done _wrong-_

“Are you mad at me?” he blurted, his voice painfully small.

“No,” said Virgil, and he sounded on the edge of tears, “No, Roman, never. I wouldn’t- I would never do that, hurt you because I was upset, _never_ , I _swear_ ,”

The spark of magic at Roman’s fingertips startled him, but he relaxed at the words anyway, even if it was only barely.

“Then- then why-?”

Virgil swallowed hard.

“Do you remember that first night?” he said, “The day after I woke up?”

Roman nodded, confused.

Virgil turned over his hand in Roman’s, squeezing. He was shaking.

“When you told us about your Night-self,” he continued, “Do you remember what you said?”

Roman thought back, but he wasn’t- well, he wasn’t exactly thinking _clearly,_ just now. He shook his head.

Virgil closed his eyes, his brow furrowed like he was in pain.

“You said he owned you,” he repeated, voice hollow.

Roman inhaled sharply.

“And- and you looked so _scared,_ ” Virgil croaked.

His eyes opened again, glassy.

“I just- I never want you to look like you did then, because of me,” he said quietly, “ _Never,_ Roman. I couldn’t bear it,”

Roman felt a bit like he’d been punched – Virgil tugged, achingly gentle, on their hands, until he’d pulled Roman against him close enough to press a kiss to his forehead. The anxiety in Roman’s chest unfurled one more knot.

“I didn’t do this right,” said Virgil, “I’m sorry. I just- you belong to _you._ I _don’t_ own you,”

Roman felt like the panic had- tipped over a cliff, fallen into something that was just as tremulous and unstable but much less unpleasant. He realized his hands were shaking just as much as Virgil’s.

Roman sat up, and Virgil’s fingers loosened immediately, but Roman just turned his own into a death grip and pressed Virgil’s hand to Roman’s own chest.

“No, you don’t,” he said, smiling around his own unshed tears, “Just this part,”

Virgil tensed, shaking his head and trying to take his hand back.

“You do, though,” said Roman, “It’s a gift,”

“ _Roman,_ ”

“I mean,” Roman cut him off, laughing wetly, “You have to share with Pat and Lo, but somehow I don’t think you’ll mind,”

Virgil pressed their foreheads together, and Roman felt him take in a steadying breath that mirrored the one Roman took himself.

“I want… I _want_ to be yours,” he said softly, “All… you know. Unasked for and freely given,”

Virgil made a short, barely audible noise that might have been an aborted sob.

“And,” Roman continued, his voice slowly growing steadier, “There’s also- I mean… you’re mine, too, right?”

“Of course,” said Virgil instantly, “Of course, Roman,”

Virgil’s voice was nothing short of _awed_. Roman had been fireproof for years and years, but that voice made him feel more invincible than he maybe ever had.

“Your Roman,” he corrected boldly.

Virgil’s face went impossibly soft, his free hand coming up to cradle Roman’s jaw. He hesitated, and Roman nodded, encouraging.

“… My Roman,” Virgil murmured, reverent. Roman grinned, leaning into the hand.

“My Virgil,” he crooned.

Virgil’s thumb stroked the crest of his cheek.

“I love you,” said Virgil, breathless, “So much. I love you, my Roman, my knight, my _beloved-_ ”

It was like a dam had burst – like once Virgil started saying it he couldn’t stop, surging forward to speak the words right against Roman’s skin in between kissing every inch of his face.

Virgil said it again and again, his kisses like punctuation to every sentence and his hand in Roman’s stroking the knuckles like prayer beads, counting every repetition.

Roman felt each one sinking into his skin, a gift and a promise they were just going to keep passing back and forth for the rest of their lives.

Roman sighed, settled into the circle of Virgil’s arms – _the safest place in the world,_ he thought fondly – and kissed _his_ love right back.

**Author's Note:**

> im also [@tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors](tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors.tumblr.com) over on tumblr!


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